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I have a confession to make: I’m having serious problems bonding with cycling. Whenever Jesse and I ride, I become unreasonably anxious leading up to the bike ride and fairly miserable during the ride itself. I have an overwhelming feeling of being out of control of my destiny while in the saddle, whether that’s because an idiot driver  feeling like an idiot driver is going to take me out at any second or I’m going to fall over while clipped into my pedals. Also, I’m having lower back pain that is likely a result of improper fit. I’m generally an easygoing and positive person but feeling intimidated by something as simple as biking makes me frustrated and defeated.

I normally conquer fear or anxiety with two things: preparation and practice. I do realize I’ve been on my bike fewer than a dozen times, but I expect to pick things up (and enjoy them) quickly, and the steep bell shaped curve to enjoy cycling has me wondering whether registering for Vineman and its 56-mile bike legwas a bad idea.

This weekend, Jesse and I headed to Lake Nicasio in Marin (after much trepidation on my part). Despite some wind, the 25-mile ride was gorgeous, with the West Marin scenery looking more like a scene from the Swiss Alps.photo 2(7) photo 1(3) photo 3(5) photo 4(3)

I realized during this ride that I have two options: change my attitude towards cycling (force myself to love it and train hard) OR drop out of Vineman. I hate missing goals I’ve set out for myself, so I’m inclined to choose the former. I don’t think I’ve given cycling a proper chance, and I want to put down more miles before I make a decision its future in my weekly workouts and races. Jesse’s a great teacher and has taught me about the gears, proper equipment, and pacing strategies. Now the rest is up to me.